Judge/Jury/Judgments

Have we been conditioned to avoid “judging” when the outcome is likely to be negative perception towards something?

Hear me out, I’m just kicking this around but...

We never seem to avoid “judging” when the perception or outcome is positive (“She’s such a giving person!” or “My child is so intelligent!”). I think sometimes we’re judging shit that might not be our business (I’m guilty!). But why do we so often avoid the (glaringly obvious but sometimes painful) negatives? What if we were able to cope in a healthy way with negative judgments? 

What if our associations with “negative judgments” and avoidance of heated topics intertwined here? If one could admit to themselves “My kid is a bully” instead of “My kid wouldn’t do that”, couldn’t we address things more quickly, honestly, and without the fanfare and harmful delay? Would our planet be struggling to discuss politics and religious differences?

One example of this, that’s been INCREDIBLY fucking harmful is “I don’t see color.” My ex-husband was colorblind (amongst many other fun and not fun things), and he saw color. This statement alone erases the experiences of groups of people. Why do we allow this?

Why are we so willing to avoid our true, honest feelings and opinions? Is this also lending to the “good vibes only” crowd? Does this just buy us time in not making decisions we don’t want to make, because we’d rather settle with status quo, instead of admitting our life isn’t what we want it to be? 

I have been in this position often and willingly stuck my head in the sand. I’m trying to incorporate that light/dark must both exist, which is easy with logic. Which means a whole lotta (sometimes shitty and un-fun) self-inventory of what’s working and what isn’t, with a whole lotta cooking and art to process my thoughts. 

Negative judgments give us warning (“That motherfucking stove is hot!”). Why are we so afraid to look at the dark parts of our lives and illuminate the imperfect parts were working on? Is it still societal conditioning, fear of being “wrong, failed”? 

That shit wastes a lot of our best years. I intend to make this a more regular part of my process. Shit builds back up over time, eh? 

And a very happy Hallmark holiday to y’all, it’s PALentine’s Day!