Martyrdom: It Ain't Just for Saints!

 

Martyrdom... It Ain't Just for Saints!

I have martyred myself so many times, and didn't realize it. I grew up in a family where falling on your sword for things nobody requested was a favorite pastime.  "Don't you know how much I've given up for you to be where you are?"

So, it came pretty natural, falling on those rusty ass swords. Romantic relationships, friendships, office acquaintances. "He didn't even appreciate how much of my week was spent making sure he had a working printer!"... "Doesn't she know how much I put up with in being her friend?" ... "Why won't he acknowledge how much I do to make our relationship great?" ... "I give so much, why doesn't anyone realize when I'm completely spent and need help in return?”

If you’re finding yourself constantly in these types or patterns of situations, it may be for a few reasons:

·        You haven’t identified the patterns in which you’re drawn/choosing to engage.

·        You are surrounded by codependent martyrs and feel like “the black sheep”.

·        You function well in these circles because it’s your familiar conditioning.

·        It makes one feel busy, and feeds codependent, external validation “they wouldn’t know what to do without me here, I just wonder why they don’t notice my needs, too”.

·        Anticipating the needs of others has been ingrained in you, and without martyrdom, you’re unsure you have a purpose or need to be in the lives of others.

Some of this shit is just downright painful, because deep-down, if we don’t acknowledge it, we can avoid our feelings of inadequacy, abandonment, and a whole damn host of other negative-ass emotions. I’ve been guilty of every one of those hateful little bulleted points in my life. I’ve inflicted those things on others at times, too.

To avoid martyrdom, embrace accountability. As “easy” as that sounds, an effective way to achieve this regularly is “what am I choosing that keeps leading me here and how have I potentially been an asshole in this?”.

It helps you to decide with logic and emotion, in a more balanced sense, of what belongs to you in your “Broken Picker” but empowers you to notice other choices (if you’re actually willing to get your head out of your ass – I still struggle with this at times, but I do my best).

Anyways, happy Friday, fuckers.